I've asked for time to stop. As impossible as that is. I am a liar. The English paper said so. But why is that lady so concerned with acholics? I don't think she knows what she's saying. Or if she does then she is a very passive agressive individual. She mentions that thats a good thing. I can see why but all I think is that she's useless. We're all liars get over it. It doesn't matter who you are you will always be a liar. I don't feel bad. I lie for a reason. Mostly to protect myself. Back to time and his absense from rationality. He makes me realise that we live in an emotional world. A cure for not sleeping is to stay awake. Stay ocuppied and keep your mind at bay. I don't have mane new questions tonight. Just old ones that havn't been answered. I don't think I'll sleep tonght. Maybe I'll get some stuff done. YOu never know. Do you? Do you? Do you? I don't. I can't figure myself out. I don't know if that means I've changed or I've reverted. I don't think its the latter. I know I havn't chnageed. But I've been changed. THis was not purposeful it was not a choice. It was a wish that took me away. I know what they say about wishes. Here's to the beggining of the end. And the people on the bus. I missed them this morning. I feel so alone this time of year, now I don't know what I feel. If I don't know does that mean I'm not feeling anything? I think I like that idea. Not being able to feel. No pain or saddness. If you don't know how to feel how can you hate. Hate is an emotion. Why do serial killers kill if they can't feel? DO they want to? I think they do. If we don't feel we miss the world around us. Everything is an emotion. Everything. People choose because emotion. I thinkall my emptions do though is bring me farther from answers and closer to questions. Are there answers? And why don't they matter anymore. Can't you see? Can't you see? It'll crash. The world will fall. WHere are we now? Who knows? Who cares? Answers don't matter remember. I don't thinkI'm right. Mostly because I'm both scared and not. It is not my usual fear that grips itself to my brain and twists and turns untill I can't think of anything but it. Too many thoughts to sleep on. And never enough dreams. It seems I'm stuck between a dillusin and yet a nother dillusion neither of which were created by me. Get going get to work get to sleep. Repeat. I can't find a reason for waking up in the morning but it doesn't seem to matter anymore. I wnat it to. I miss it. When everything mattered. I miss my thoughts however derranged. Because it was my familiar insanity that I was trying to figure out. Now its just a forieng calm. I don't feel calm. I've noticed that people want evil to be something they are not. Guys may say something like the deveil herself while girls would say the devil himself. No one want to think of themselves as evil. Are they evil? Are they really? And who are you to make that call? Why do you get to choose? I don't. No one wants to think of themselves as evil. Bad yes, ugly yes, lazy yes. But never evil. "Fair is foul and foul is fair". Never evil. So this means that we want to think of ourselves as good right? I don't think so. We think so negatively about ourselves that its impossible ot come up with a good thing. Why? If were not good and not evil then what the hell are we? Gray maybe? No. Does this mean that we don't want to think of ourselves? No. Humans are selfish. As shown by the world today. I am selfish. I can; honestly say so. I wish I wasn't but I am. What are you? Maybe the better question is what you're not? Anyone? Anyone? No? Okay then.